Confessions of a College Girl

Sometimes I feel like I just don’t know anything anymore. And here I should put some witty comment about how knowing that you know nothing is the first step to learning, but I’m just too tired. Not really physically tired for a change, more…emotionally.

First was the earthquake way back in March, and then just a few days ago, Hurricane Irene. Stuff like these natural disasters leave me confused and feeling like an awful selfish human being. I mean, they’re sad and all, and I’m really sorry for the people who have lost everything–I would hate it if that happened to me–but at the same time, I think, oh, I’m ok, no big deal. It was a big deal though, and so many people were hurt and lost so much and all I can do is be selfishly glad that I’m not one of them. It makes me feel guilty for being that way, even though humans as a species are basically selfish creatures anyways.

For example (and I read this somewhere) humans are born only knowing how to want. Kinder emotions like sympathy and empathy and all that stuff is learned, not ingrained. Is that the truth? I don’t know, but when I take a look around me, I think I can see enough evidence that speaks for itself.

This morning, I heard a ruckus outside my window, a murder of crows, or whatever it is they’re called. A little while after that, when I went to class, I saw a crow lying on the grass under a tree. It didn’t move…I didn’t have a chance to look closer but it appeared to be dead. I should have remembered that crows in general–and especially a dead crow–would be an omen. Because about thirty minutes ago…I got a call from my parents today…they got a call from my cousin…apparently my aunt died last night. She’d been sick with cancer for something like two or three years, so it wasn’t completely unexpected. But because she lived down in Texas whereas we live in New England, we didn’t get to see her all that often, and in some ways, that just makes it worse somehow.

So I’m sitting here all upset (and there’s another example of selfishness…I’m probably crying about the same amount for the fact that she died relatively young as I am for the fact that I’m never going to get to see her again.) And at the same time, I’m trying to imagine just what my mom, my other aunt, my cousins and my nana are feeling. And that doesn’t help at all. I just end up feeling worse, and then sort of guilty that I feel that way.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be meeting my friends for dinner. If I don’t, I’ll probably get hungry later…people are like that. And perhaps its not a bad thing, but at the same time…

Between work and the summer play that I’m doing again this year, it feels as though the summer is flying past. My room still isn’t clean…but then, who really expected it to actually get cleaned?

Although I’m thinking I really need to sit down and clean without distractions…I need more room, what with new dolls on the way and all…and I need room to play on the Wii…I’ve been forgetting I have it since moving everything in order to play it is too much of a hassle…which sort of defeats the purpose of having bought it…and am I going in circles with this? Probably…I tend to try to justify anything that I feel guilty for doing, even if I don’t regret doing it, if that makes any sense.

Hmm…not much else is new at the moment…I’m taking an accounting class, which is fun. The homework is sort of a pain though.

Well first, let me warn you that this started when I found out the hard way that rocking chairs and computers are not such a good combination. I managed to run over my computer with my rocking chair, and that cracked it open enough that a piece of wood got into it and destroyed it completely.

While I was deciding which new computer to buy, I bought the Nintendo Wii gaming system, and the Wii Fit. Then the problem was that in order to use the Wii, you sort of need a little bit of floorspace, and my room has been a mess since…well…since I moved into it.  With the Wii sitting right there, it was all the incentive I needed in order to clear that space. So I could see a little bit of floor. And then, yesterday, Ki and I worked on my room for about 7 hours, and now you can see most of the floor.

Oh, and as for the computer, I bought a Samsung. Which is nice and all, but it’s already gotten one virus, despite the fact that I was on a free trial of whats supposed to be a really good antivirus program. Anyway, my brother managed to fix it, and I did the smart thing and ditched the sample and instead downloaded Panda Cloud and Microsoft Security Essentials. They seem to work a lot better than that other one…

Anyway, I like the Wii. Especially the Wii Fit. It seemed like such a good idea, and a bunch of those activities do make you feel as though you’d had a workout by the end of it. My goal at the moment is to get 30 minutes a day on the Wii Fit. Other than yesterday, so far that’s what I’ve done every day for the past week. I hope it helps…although one thing I did find out was that it is very hard to march to one beat and swing your hands to another. >.<

So, I’ve been home for a little over a week now…somehow it feels like there are way too many things that I should be doing. I need to look up summer classes, I need to pick classes for next semester, I need to send in my room deposit for next semester–which I probably should have done a while ago–I need to see if I can get a summer job, I need to clean my room…the list seems to go on and on…>.< I should probably stop complaining and just do the stuff…complaining rarely accomplishes anything…

So…my study abroad is ending three months earlier then planned. T_T I now officially have a ticket back to the US for Wednesday.

There’s so much left undone…and my parents said they sent something for my birthday that hasn’t arrived yet…

I really don’t want to drag my stuff through the metro…but it looks like I might not have a choice… >.<

大丈夫=だいじょうぶ=daijoubu=It’s all right

Today was the first day of class since the earthquake and tsunami. It only took an hour to get to school, like normal. Conversely, this annoyed me, since I had left a little over two hours early just in case. Anyway, the first difference was that two of the level one classes had been combined. And by talking to several friends, I learned that some of the morning classes had been combined as well.

With the two level one classes combined, by the time everyone was there, there were about 17 or 18 of us, I didn’t count, but it looked similar to a normal class before the earthquake, minus one or two people. That many students have gone home, though I’ve heard that many are returning for next semester, which begins in April. (This semester ends March 26th)

The first thing we did in class was go to a meeting on the eighth floor. (My class is on the second floor). Have I ever mentioned that the elevator in the KCP building is so teeny tiny that it can fit maybe 3 people? Ergo, we had to use the stairs. Good exercise, I know. But annoying.  And I hat how that makes me sound all spoiled from being able to ride elevators and escalators. >.<

Ah, anyway, the meeting was, naturally, about the earthquake and the radiation thing. And since it was something so important, every word that the principal of the school said was translated into English and Korean, so us students who barely know Japanese would be sure to understand completely. And what I came out understanding was that currently, there is no danger staying in Tokyo. Nor is there expected to be. KCP should be counted as a credible source on these things…because they are a government recognized school, most of the information they have on these topics come directly from the Japanese government.

For the earthquake, we were told that for perhaps the next month or so, expect tremors. But they should all be relatively small tremors, so no big deal. Then came the radiation thing, which I know all you guys are worrying about, what with the American Press’s propaganda by focusing on the damaged areas of Japan, not the part where I actually am. KCP did mention that as well–every country, including Japan, is hearing all kinds of information, some true, some not. In the end, they said, it was up to us to decide what was true…and if we can’t tell, we can always call them and they will tell us what they know based on what the government has told them.

The nuclear reactors are in Fukushima, which is approximately 200km from Tokyo. The reactors were damaged slightly in the quake last friday, but they are currently being controlled. It should not come to anything as bad as Chernobyl–the Chernobyl reactors, once they reached a certain heat, were untouchable and uncontrollable. The reactors in Fukushima can still be controlled, and highly trained workers there are dumping seawater on the reactors to help cool them down. We were told that this is a major difference between the two groups of reactors.

It is true that some radiation was released into the air in Fukushima. But several reasons make this not a danger to the people in Tokyo. One is that there is currently a western wind going over Japan–ergo the radiation is being blown out to sea, not down towards Tokyo. And even if there were a northern wind blowing towards Tokyo, the distance between Fukushima and Tokyo makes it so that any radiation that reaches Tokyo should not harm human health, should not be fatal. Most of the time they said wouldn’t harm human health, when they were talking about radiation, but at one point, they did say should not be lethal. Not sure if that was a mistranslation or what, or if I didn’t pay as much attention as I thought I was…

Anyway, they did say that there should be no danger of the radiation leaking below ground and tainting the water or anything, and since there’s that distance between Tokyo and Fukushima, there should be no danger from radiation. I think I mentioned this last time I wrote, but by the levels they’re getting, although they’re slightly higher than normal, a day in Tokyo is still less radiation than one flight from Tokyo to New York. It’s explained on this page here.

And of course, until the end of April, there are probably going to be occasional black outs, as Japan rations out the energy that is still running–there is a limit per day, for Tokyo. An email from KCP said:

Due to the lack of power in Tokyo, currently the daily maximum power
that this metropolitan area can use is 33500000kw...

During night time when more people get home and use power for heaters,
there is a possibility that it exceeds the limit. If that happens we
would have unexpected blackout.

It seems pretty clear cut to me…if I can buy a few more candles, the black outs won’t even bother me that much. And really, if I go home now (which I’m not doing, see next paragraph) is there any guarantee that at home I am safe from earthquakes, tsunamis, radiation and blackouts? No, there really isn’t. (That was a rhetorical question. ) So since life here is going back to normal, I might as well stay here.

Not that I want to go home yet, because I do and don’t (e.g. the same feeling I’ve had since I left…the feeling of liking where I am and having fun, but missing people in the US). Another reason now is actually not a good time to go home is because plane ticket prices have jumped to out of my price range due to the earthquake and tsunami. Thank goodness I bought that ticket for June 22nd before the earthquake. And even that was over $1000!

I’m really not worried…sometimes I think that maybe all this won’t catch up until I actually reach home, and then I’ll be scared of the earthquake, somewhat belatedly. But that’s all for the good now–it means I can concentrate on not developing a crippling fear of crowded trains, which was threatening even before the earthquake made the trains run a little less frequently.

I’m really ok. I keep repeating this because everyone keeps asking. I’m not stupid, much as I like pretending sometimes. If I really felt unsafe, I wouldn’t stay, stubbornness aside (that means that I can push it aside). But with the information I have, the information I can find, and the information I can trust, I don’t feel that there’s any real threat.  I promise to keep in touch with everyone, as I have been doing since the earthquake–in fact I’ve probably been more in touch since the earthquake than before it!

So yeah…that’s what I’ve learned. And you know what? I better stop typing…I have a test tomorrow. ^_^

So…school got cancelled Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday–today. There’s school tomorrow though, and I’m glad. I came here to learn, not sit around and watch movies, read, and write all day. Although that’s fun in its own way…that’s not what I did all three days though.

Monday and today I went and met up with a friend. Monday we actually studied. Today we just walked around and looked at stores.

Oh, the title for this post? That’s because we’re still feeling shaking an awful lot. Mostly little tremors that you barely notice, but then, three or four times since friday, there’s been a bigger shaking, that makes everyone tense up and wait to see what happens.

And there’s this whole nuclear scare thing…it’s about 200 some odd miles north of Tokyo, so I’m not too worried. Judging by the radiation chart I found, Tokyo still gets less radiation per day than you get in one plane ride.  It’s the H23 pdf.

And I have to start gathering all my stuff together…its next next saturday, the 26th, that I have to move into the dorms. I should probably find the exact address of the dorms…and after that is about a week break. The original plan was to travel around Tokyo during that time…I still might, just staying sort of in the south part a bit more.

Meh, stuff happens. And at this point, even if I wanted to leave early (which I don’t…I am definitely staying until June) I think that all the airlines and stuff are still wicked overbooked because a lot of people are ditching…sort of like abandoning a sinking ship, I guess. But Japan is not done for, and there are plenty of places that are fine. I like Japan…and since I know there are plenty of others who do as well, Japan will definitely bounce back from this.

If anyone has extra money (unfortunately, I don’t) feel free to donate to Japan’s tsunami/earthquake fund type thing…here are a list of places that are excepting donations…: donate

So apparently comments keep posting without telling me that they’re posting… >.<

No news for the moment…though school was cancelled yesterday, today and tomorrow due to train lines still not running in some areas… Hopefully there will be class on Thursday…

 So…yesterday during class, around 2:45 pm or so (I was watching the clock for break, which is at 3) I noticed that some of the kids in the class were looking around, a little confused. And then I felt it too–a little tremor that was shaking the whole room. We all looked at each other and then looked around. The teacher hadn’t felt it yet. But then the tremor got bigger, and the tv that hangs in the corner of the room was shaking so hard it looked like it might fall down! People quickly moved their desks away from the windows, and from that tv, but then class was going to continue on as normal. Until…the tremor got even bigger! Everyone started panicking, but somehow I could only come up with a slightly bemused feeling. For some reason, the teacher ushered us down the stairs and outside–we were one of the three classes to go outside. No one else bothered, planning to follow the “hide under your desks” rule if it got worse.

It seemed to stop for a few minutes–or at least, the tremors weren’t as big–so we went back inside. The bell rang for break, but we were told to stay in the classrooms. We started class after break, but the tremors started again. Class was cancelled. People who could walk or bike home were told to do so, while being careful. But for those of us who rode the train there was a slight problem–at the first big tremor, all the trains in Tokyo had stopped, some in the middle of the tracks, forcing passengers to later walk down the tracks in order to reach the next station. At that point, people were still thinking “Oh, this will be over in a few hours and they’ll start the trains again.” Not so. About 7 or 8pm, it was announced that the JR line (the one I take) would not restart that night at all–some of the other lines were doing the same, but as it got closer to 11, and midnight, a few here and there started up again.

The first few hours of being stuck at school were basically wandering around the school, figuring out who had stayed, who had left, reading, talking to some classmates. And going to by dinner from the 7-11 around the corner. It stayed open all night despite the earthquake. The teachers did something to the rooms on the eight floor (probably pushed the desks to the side) and said that we could go up there to sleep when we got tired.

The next three hours of this (about 6-9) Michael helped me translate the four page prologue of a Japanese novel that I am determined to finish by the time I leave here. It took three hours, not because he’s bad at translation, but because I wanted to learn to read the symbols, and some of them won’t stick in my head so we went over them several times. After that, we had cup noodles for a snack (curry flavored!). We had to go up to the fifth floor teacher’s lounge to get hot water. And there we found out that all of the kids (and a teacher) who live in Ikebukuro had decided to walk back. A walk that would take about two hours. But Michael and I both live a bit further than that, so we just ate our noodles. And that’s when we went on the computer, to update facebook status–after we had eaten the noodles that is.

I saw some other friends in the other lounge–three of them, and tried emailing them because I thought it would be funny if all three of their cell phones rang at once. But I had forgotten that, because of the earthquake, cell phone stuff was acting a little odd, so it didn’t work.

I left Michael to fight with the computer and went back up to the classroom on the second floor where we’d left our stuff. One other student was in there–a level 4 student who before this I had never met. But we talked anyway, mostly in Japanese, but with me using english words when I didn’t know anything close to the Japanese word that I wanted to use.

When Michael came back from fighting with the computer, he helped me edit what I had so far of a story that I’d decided to write in Japanese. That took another few hours–and in that time the other student that I’d talked to went home as his train started running. Michael and I kept track of the earthquake alerts that we kept getting on the phone, and looked for them on the map.

We didn’t go to bed. At all. And then, at around 5am, Zach showed up! With coffee! =) So the three of us spent a few hours talking and then we were told that all the train lines should be up and running, and that I should get home because my host family was worried–even though I’d sent them an email and the teachers had as well. It was around 7:30am or so that we headed to the station.

I didn’t get back to the host family’s house until close to noon. First, the train wasn’t actually running yet. I was planning to wait outside the train, but I ended up sort of getting pushed into a corner. A corner that became so tight I had no hope of getting out until other people moved. I was stuck there, in that unmoving driver less train for an hour. The train finally started. Normally I get off at the fourth stop. But something about being so crowded in with all those people (maybe it was the lack of sleep?) made me feel like I’d start panicking if I didn’t get out of the train. So I got off at the first stop.

When I saw the line of people who wanted to get onto the train, I decided that I would not be one of them, that I would find an alternate route. But the one other alternate route was not running yet either. I spent about an hour and a half, wandering around, trying to figure out some other way of getting to the next station. When I finally found that nothing else would work, I went back–the line was shorter, but as we waited for the train it grew longer–until it was the same jam packed train that I’d stepped off of. Somehow I made it to the next station without panicking.

But then I saw the line to the one other train that I would have to take. And when the train did stop there, it was so full that only one or two people were able to get on. I took one look and knew that I couldn’t force myself to get on that train. I would try taking a bus. So I walked a little ways away from the station to a bus stop and stood there, searching the sign to see if it would mention ‘Kawaguchi’ the place I was going. I couldn’t find mention of it, and must have looked as confused as I felt, because a couple walking by stopped.

The man asked something I didn’t quite catch, and seeing that I didn’t understand, added “Going?” I half shrugged and asked “Kawaguchi?” It turns out not only was I headed in the wrong direction, but there wasn’t a bus, only the train. So I asked which way to walk. Between the little Japanese I know and the little English he did, I managed to understand his directions. “Arigatou Gozaimasu!” I made sure to tell them (”thank you very much!”) And I also noticed that they didn’t continue on until they saw that I had taken the correct turn that they’d mentioned.

With the memory of the sweet couple in mind, when I couldn’t find any signs or any of the landmarks they’d mentioned, I asked a random person which direction to go in. And a little later, I asked a policeman. In Japanese. ^_^

It took a little over an hour, but then I made it back to the host family’s house–just in time for lunch, which was good, since all I’d had for breakfast was that coffee and a random yogurt smoothie I bought at the train station. Every now and again–even as I was typing this!–there are little aftershock tremors that I can feel going through the building. I just kind of glance around to make sure nothing has fallen over and then I shrug. It was an interesting experience, feeling my first earthquake (and such a history making earthquake! 5th highest on the Richter scale of what’s been measured!) But I doubt I’d want to go through another. Especially since so many people have died–although a chuck of those deaths was from the tsunami.

The Kamakura trip started bright and early Saturday morning. That is—we had to be at KCP at 8:30 am…which for me meant leaving by 7:30 am. I was not exactly thrilled with that, especially since the plan from 8:30 to 11:15 was to listen to a lecture about Kamakura. In English, but still. Sensei (which is the Japanese word for teacher) broke it up a little though, by having us read information about a certain part of Kamakura that we were planning to visit, and then give short presentations on it.

            11:15 to 12:15 was lunch, and we met up at the train station. We had to switch train lines once, but then it was an hour train ride to Kamakura. We looked at the train tickets we’d been given and were shocked—it was about 8000 yen!

            Unfortunately, this next part isn’t exactly going to be in order, since some of the places were sort of similar…but what we did see on Saturday included a garden named Samuel Cocking Garden. It had been one of the first places to have a greenhouse (at least, that’s what I understood) but the greenhouse had been destroyed in some earthquake…the foundation was still there, and you could see parts of it—it sort of reminded me of Shakespeare’s house that way—foundation, dirt, signs saying do not enter…

            The garden had been somewhat recreated in 2003, in order to have as many of the original types of plants in it as possible. There was also a 59 meter tall tower in the garden, which we climbed—well, we took the elevator up, then climbed down. (But from the information can you guess what my groups 15 minute presentation was about?)

            That was on Enoshima island…then we headed to where the hotel for the night was. We walked through so many twisting streets that I don’t think I could find that hotel again, at least not without a guide. We did pause at the beach first, a couple of us got to complain about sand in our shoes, then we actually got to the hotel.

            At the door, we had to take our shoes off, put them on a shelf, then put on slippers. But when we were shown to our rooms, we had to take the slippers off before entering the room. That was because the room’s floor was of tatami mats and you apparently cannot wear slippers on tatami mats. I was in a room with the 5 other girls on the trip. We took a short tour of the hotel, I forgot where everything was immediately, and then was dinner, which I took pictures of because everyone else was so I figured that I might as well.

            But I didn’t take a picture of the steak that was there too…I don’t think I’d ever eaten meat that was almost the same pink as my sweater before. It was a little darker maybe, but not by much. And, because it was steak, it was hard to bite. I have a small mouth, so I couldn’t even put most of the pieces all into my mouth and chew them that way unless I wanted to choke. Chopsticks don’t work very well for holding steak while you try to bite it (well, at least not the way I use chopsticks) so I reverted to hands and hoped that people wouldn’t mind too much.

            After dinner, Sensei came by with a deck of cards, and we played a game called ‘moa’ or ‘mow’ or something like that. I’d played before with my girlscout troop—it’s the game where they hand you your set of cards, don’t tell you any rules, say ‘game start’ and then everyone stops talking. If you talk you get penalized. This time, we were told why we were being penalized, though I don’t remember my troop doing that the first time I played…or am I remembering wrong?

            Anyway, that night we slept on futons. Small mattresses with one blanket (a thick blanket) on top. Like the one at the host family’s house—only that one is raised off the ground cot style and the one at the hotel was on the floor. We had to get up early again the next morning since breakfast was at 8 and we were leaving the hotel at 9.

            More train rides…we visited a temple…there were stairs…we visited another temple…we had lunch…oh, and after lunch, I tried an interesting flavor of ice cream which I didn’t have time to take a picture of. It was soft serve, pink and green. And it was ‘Macha and Sweet Potato’ flavored. The pink was sweet potato, and macha is the Japanese green tea.

            The last thing we visited was a humongous statue of Buddha. It only cost 20yen to go inside, and KCP handed us the 20 yen, so I went inside the statue. It was interesting. What I also thought was interesting, and what I forgot to ask about was the fact that in little corners here and there, above my eye level, below, there were one yen coins. In one little crevice, there was a whole handful!

            After that we had a little bit of free time…I bought paper weights to give to my host family since I was informed that some small omiyage (that is, present) was technically sort of required. For myself I bought a shuriken. Which I should take a picture of at some point…anyway, I also bought two of those weird boiled egg shapers—and I was so mad about it too. I found them in the 100 yen shop!!! The two I have at home that I bought online cost about $7!!!

            After that we took the train back to Tokyo. I got to have a nice conversation with one of the boys that I hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk to before—and he’s also here till June. =) I think I have more phone numbers in my phone here than I ever did at home…well…I just looked. Currently I have 19 phone numbers and 15 email addresses. All of the people I have email addresses for I have the phone numbers for…o.o and nine of the numbers are boys. XD

            I wasn’t sure where to mention it, but we saw a lot of cats on this trip. First were the cats that were just chilling on blankets, letting people pet or touch them without bothering to move (and yes, they were really live cats, and they were alive, not dead) Then there was the suicidal cat, who was standing on the edge of a platform that was on the way down from that tower in the garden.

            The other animal that we saw a lot of was hawks. At least, I thought they were hawks until we saw the sign that said ‘beware of kites’. Either way, there were tons of those…one of the kids in my group actually got his sandwich stolen by one!

            Let’s see…that wraps up the trip…I’m not going to mention the midterm because I didn’t like it…it was better than I thought, but that doesn’t say much since my expectations were sort of low…everyone seems to think that I understand and know more Japanese than I actually do… >.<